Tax Day at Chili’s

I was sitting at work bored out of mind when my phone rang. Of course I don’t recognize the number but I’m pretty sure it’s a public school by the first 3 numbers. I take a deep breath and answer. It’s my 10 year old saying he fell off the slide on the playground and sprang his wrist. He said it’s okay but it is swelling and he wants to go home. I tell him to call his dad and see if he can come get him and call me back. Big surprise, dad of the year is once again too busy to be a dad for a few moments. I tell Josh I’m on my way and hang up. I let my boss know what’s going on and I leave. I really didn’t want to be at work today but I really didn’t want to leave early to deal with another contusion boy incident either.

I get to the school and have to wait to be let in by the front desk and sign my kid out. We wander thru half the school to retrieve his bike and then attempt to put it in the back of the Jeep. I’m sure it was amusing for those driving by since he had a swollen wrist and I was in an unforgiving skirt and heels. We climb in the front and I look at his wrist, it is pretty swollen and looks painful. I do what any good mom does and I kiss it & put the car in gear.

On the 5 minute drive home I ask Josh what his dad was doing that made him too busy to come pick him up from school. He replies with ‘Said his church friends were coming over to look at a car so he couldn’t leave.’ Hmmm, I guess they wouldn’t have understood him having to leave for a few minutes to pick his kid up from school. I know I probably sound like I’m just being a jerk but he always has an excuse not to help out. Last time Josh was sick he couldn’t go get him because his church friends were over at the house working on this building he is obsessed with. Sad thing is I know the ex well enough to know that he also convinced them to go to lunch with him as well because of the time of day and he also has church that night so it’s not like he couldn’t have just drove said car to church or put it on the back of his new wrecker and hauled it to church for him to see.

We get home and I realize nobody put the garbage out the night before so I go take care of that then notice my tomato plants don’t look so hot and water them. I make my way back in the house and Josh is already making beefaroni in the microwave. I go change into after work clothes figuring maybe I can get something productive done while Josh parks his underwear only clad hiney on the couch and takes over the tv. It then occurs to me that he hasn’t explained how he hurt his wrist; I was only told he hurt it on the playground. He then proceeds to tell me he was climbing up the slide, not the steps but the actual slide and somebody sliding down knocked him off. I gave him the mom look and he grinned and looked down.

I managed to get a little done around the house and on the website before the older clown Sam comes walking in from school. By this time Josh realizes it’s been more than 2 hours since hes ate and remembers that maybe I kinda sorta probably maybe possibly mentioned going to Chilli’s the night before. After all, they sent me a coupon via email for a free dessert or appetizer because it was tax day. Not exactly sure the premise here, maybe a one last screw you to the gov’ment before they cash your tax check, who knows.

In any case, I was certainly not very motivated to make dinner and Josh’s boo boo wrist seemed just fine, it’s still early enough so why not. We get ready and head on over to the closest Chili’s to us and manage to get there before 5pm. I feel old for eating dinner so early but hey I don’t have 2 hours to wait for somebody to bring me ketchup like last time.

The girl parks us in the back in a booth away from everybody else and I figure they just remember us from the last time. Shortly after arriving, she also parks a rather large man behind Josh and I and he flops down behind us. I say FLOP because he actually moved us both sitting down. This seems to happen to me quite a bit when I go out and have to wonder why I never ask for a table with regular chairs.

So we ordered our appetizer, abusing the system for what it was by ordering the pick 2 which already came with an appetizer and ordered a third meal, reserving our free coupon for dessert. We are already done with our appetizer split 3 ways when Mr. Flops family shows up at which time both of his hyper little children flop onto the seat next to him. Of course they continue to flop around while ordering their food and taking turns going to the bathroom with mom. It was a lot like a ride down a bumpy road in a car with no shocks to be honest.

So Miss Waitress brings us our food and we dig in trying to ignore the Mr. Toads wild ride behind us and make the best of it. They place their order of 4 different appetizers and she walks away. In the meantime we can overhear the Flop family conversation and randomly reply among ourselves to Mr. Flops questions while one of his darling children is jumping on the seat.

Miss. Waitress comes back with their grub and asks if we need anything. I go ahead and order our dessert with coupon in hand since we are almost done. Josh gets excited not realizing the ninja stunt I have pulled getting appetizers and a dessert and maybe he got just a little excited. We are sitting there finishing up our food when all of a sudden Mr. Flop turns around and asks Josh to stop bouncing his leg because it’s bothering him. Are you ^&^%$%#$@$!@$##%^%&^%&%$ KIDDING ME?????????

Beastie Boys, Boobies and such

Today is sure to be an interesting one. Took some benadryl last night & seriously passed out a little after 9pm. In an effort to wake up this morning I partook in mello yello & some m&m’s for breakfast. By the way, neither of these mix well with toothpaste. So i’m driving & driving & driving some more and conclude there is NOTHING on the radio and I am beginning to develop a twitch. The twitch is probably because it’s been weeks since I have had any type of caffinated soda in my system. So I hit the cd button expecting to hear my typical stuff & there it is, my son’s mix cd. Didn’t take very long before I realized it’s probably not safe for me to be under the influence of so much sugar while listening to the beastie boys.
Sad part is I don’t think I could have had more fun if you took me to Disney World until the snowflake & I happened upon a very slow Prius in our fast lane. Snowflake & I don’t like anybody driving slow in our fast lane even on a good day. And yes, I said OUR fast lane. My tax dollars paid for that lane and it is mine, I just allow non stupid non slow people to use it when I feel like being nice. It also didn’t help that said Prius had my nemisis football team plastered all over it. I actually had to control myself & reason that if I was to run this tard off the road somebody would see & be able to identify the snowflake with the bullet hole smiley face on the back. I decided to do the polite thing and go around them while making eye contact with them…….because thats a safe alternative ya know?
Anywho, after escaping the stupidity of the Prius my mind started to wander while comtemplating whom I would stirfry in my wok if I still owned a wok. It occurs to me that none of my shoes seem to fit anymore and I seriously wonder if I have lost weight after all. I find this a little irritating because I would much rather have to buy smaller jeans than shoes. When was the last time you were in Walmart & some guy yelled ‘check out the skinny feet on that chick?’. But then again, at least I haven’t lost any weight in my boobies. That seems to be where chicks lose weight first, unless they are fake, then i’m not too sure what happens. Then I begin to ponder about it being breast cancer month, public enemy is now playing in the background, but I digress. How come all of a sudden you can’t find a decent light pink blouse in the misses dept? I know this because I am wearing one I had to go find in the mens dept, because that makes sense?!?!? Then I start thinking about how it irritates me that my football teams will be wearing the hot pink sneekers and gloves and such. Don’t get me wrong, I wanna save the boobies too, because thats one of the few things I do still got going for me, it just seems like with everything else we take it too far. I really don’t have a lot of knowledge in the way of breast cancer, most of the people in my family die from colon cancer, probably because we are all a bunch of a**holes is my guess. We don’t store our anger in our hearts close to our boobies we store it in our butts so we can sit on it.
I have now made to the parking lot & I have no idea how because I sure wasn’t paying attention. The stupid lady with the beanie babies has taken my parking space again. It takes her 10 minutes to get out of her car & thats after parking, I guess she has to kiss each one goodbye or something. I have never actually met this lady but I don’t like her because she keeps taking my parking space. That’s like sitting in my pew at church, i’ll cut you for that.


So earlier this week the kiddos and myself were sitting around the man cave watching tv together. Since Christmas this doesn’t happen too often, so I was happy to have the down time with my babies. In between the laughter we are talking about the days events, what happened at school and such. Then it happens, Josh asks a question, the mother of all questions. I’m not even sure I can type said question but now after it’s said and done it really is too funny not to share. Out of no where my baby, my 10 year old angel asks ‘Hey mom, what’s a dildo?’

Thinking that maybe I didn’t hear him correctly I just sit there non respondent. Sam my 16 year old busts out laughing and goes ‘yeah mom, tell him what it is.’ I cut him THE LOOK, and then ask Josh what did you say and without batting an eye he repeats it. I know I am not getting out of this and I have to provide some kind of answer. I don’t typically lie to my kids because you really shouldn’t and they always bust me. I try to think of the best possible ‘G’ rated answer I can give him, in the meantime I now have 2 boys looking at me waiting for an answer, the older one with tears in his eyes.

‘Well it’s something grownups use when they are being dirty.’ There, not too much information so I won’t get a phone call tomorrow from the school when he repeats his new found knowledge and I answered his question honestly……sort of. Josh was processing the answer and at this point I think this is the end of said subject. Then that darn teenager opens his big trap and says ‘Yeah if you want to see what one looks like I bet mom has a bunch in her underwear drawer.’

My jaw hit the floor and so did his butt as I swiftly kicked him off the couch.


Punch Bowl

My older son Sam & I were watching 2 &1/2 Men one night while my younger son Josh was in the bathtub. The longer we watched the show the funnier it got, but it was because we realized the kid on the show was Josh. Not actually Josh, but this kid had the same demeanor & type of personality as my kid in the tub. He could hear us laughing & the more he asked what was so funny the funnier it got. Once he got out of the tub I tell him this one part where ‘Jake’ the kid was called a turd in the punch bowl by his uncle. I didn’t think too much about it & figured he had forgot about it…until the next afternoon.

I come home from work & were doing the how was your day routine & making dinner. All of a sudden Josh tells me about a situation where a kid next to him at school would not be quiet while the teacher was talking and out of no where my lil angel looks at the kid & says “You know what, your just a turd in the punchbowl!” I of course was mortified & asked what did the teacher say. He replies “She said ‘oh dear’ & proceeded to cross her legs & laugh.” I kept waiting for the almighty phone call from somebody but it never came.

A few weeks later we were in the car with grandma and I was telling her about it. From the back seat Josh says “What’s so wrong about saying that?” It then occurs to me this kid has no idea what a ‘turd’ is, so I ask him what he thinks a ‘turd’ is. The kid proudly goes “It’s your guts, Duh!”


Whore: a woman who engages in promiscuous sexual intercourse, usually for money; prostitute; harlot; strumpet.

It’s Wednesday night & I had a pretty rough day. Thankfully all my tests came back fine & the cardiologist said there was nothing wrong with me, he tells me this while my heart is about to thump out of my chest, probably due to the fact I was filling out the paperwork for my Short sale. I think it’s safe to say now that I am suffering from stress & anxiety. In any case, the ex husband calls. He has been out of town for about a week now & wants to know if his kids are coming over this weekend. I tell him Josh said yes but Sam hasn’t said anything. He then starts in again about how Sam hasn’t came over since Thanksgiving & I ask him if he wants to talk to Sam. He then says ‘It doesn’t do any good for me to talk to him, you need to talk to him.’ I have heard this crap way too many times and I am not in the mood to deal with his crap right now.

Poor Sam is standing in the kitchen & I ask are you going to your dads this weekend? He says, no I have plans. I say what about next week & he says I guess I can go then. I then proceed to yell into the phone ‘There your kid is coming over next weekend! I did your parenting duty for you, are you happy now???’ and he hangs up on me. I usually get angry when he hangs up on me but I really just didn’t care.

The next day he sends me a txt msg saying ‘whats going on w/ u why were u so mean 2 me cursing I didn’t do that 2 u’. I ignored the message and went on about my day with no problems and started to actually feel better. Friday afternoon rolls around and I ask Josh if he has heard from his dad? He says, ‘Yeah he wanted to know if you were going to take me over there or if he had to pick me up because he has been gone all day.’ Same old story, I drive 20 miles one way home & I’m expected to take the kid all the way to his house in Narnia. I decided to reset my attitude & tell Josh I would take him, after all, hes not who I am mad at.

On the way there we have a nice little conversation about our upcoming vacation to Orlando and all the stuff we were going to do. We pull up at the ex’s house & Josh asks me to walk him to the house. I get out & down the driveway here comes the ex with some lawn dart game and tells me to take it home. I say why would I do that? He says, ‘It’s been here for 6 months & he hasn’t played it. If you don’t want it throw it away!’ I say fine & sit it down on the driveway.

He then asks me what my problem is. When I told him a few weeks ago I had to go for a stress test he acted stupid and said ‘Why do you need that, your not under any stress?’ and he was dead serious. I choose not to go into my personal issues with him because the less he knows about my life the better I like it.

I then say ‘Every couple of months you play this crap where I have to talk to Sam for you and I do and convince the kid to come over here & then I get messages from him saying dad left us here 2 hours ago to go look at a car, can you come get us?’ He of course get defensive and tries to talk over me like he always does. I then say the reason he hasn’t been over since Thanksgiving is because you treat him like your do-bitch the whole time & mention 1 reference & he cuts me off again. He then yells ‘I guess I’m not supposed to make him do anything and act like you & let him sit on the couch playing video games all day while I do it all!’ I say ‘Excuse me’ and he cuts me off again. Then he says ‘The problem is you let him do what he wants instead of treating him like a child and making him come over here!’ I say ‘The boy is almost 17 & I am trying to teach him to be an adult and make his own decisions’ and I get cut off again. He then yells ‘The problem is you need to start acting like a mom instead of going out being a whore!’

Now….I can honestly say I have no clue whatsoever where that came from but it’s not the first time he has accused me of something I was innocent of. A few years ago he accused me of going out to the bars every weekend in front of my boys because I wouldn’t take a bunch of rolled change for the pizza I picked up for him & they stood there & went ‘OOOOOOoooo!!!!’ I’ve been accused of all sorts of stuff by him but this one I didn’t expect.

The fact that he said this in front of my son is what truly pissed me off, I could honestly care less what he personally thinks of me. Because of my level of stress & aggravation I was not going to let this one go for some reason, I couldn’t have controlled myself if I had wanted to. I won’t go into all the dirty details of what was said, mostly because I can’t remember half of what was said & I want to save some surprises for the Lifetime movie they will one day make about me. I can tell you that he called me a whore at least 5 more times and accused me of sleeping with all the guys I worked with.

I was accused of a few more things that made absolutely no sense & I finally looked at him and said ‘I am done with you.’ And I walked off down the driveway to leave. I walked past the dart game and got in my car & was leaving. As I pull onto the main road I see him walking down the driveway, my son behind him and he shoots me a bird. I know, I know, it’s just a gesture but this man thinks he is truly holier than tho and does no wrong. I wanted to know why the hell he felt it necessary to shoot me a bird!

I slammed on the brakes and back up all the way back onto his road & in front of his driveway. Thank God there was nobody coming down the main road or I would have been toast, not my smartest move and I admit that. I go to get out of my car to ask him what his problem was & he throws the dart game at my Jeep. The board made of PVC & nylon flew over the top along with one of the rubber darts that landed in the neighbors yard. One bounced off the side of the Jeep & the third stuck to my hood. As I see the board fly by I pick it up and look at the neighbor standing in her yard with 2 little kids and say ‘You saw this.’ I pick up the dart board and look at him and say ‘I hope you have a good lawyer!’ He walks off & I pick up the 2 darts on the ground. I then apologize to the lady and the 2 kids for having to see that & throw the stuff in the back seat and leave.

I drive off and burst into tears. I end up pulling over at the play ground and calling his niece, one of the few people I can talk to about such things and I just dump everything on her. I also in the process get out and remove the dart from the hood of my car & throw it in the back seat. I finally calm down enough and drive home. I hate the fact that I let him get to me but I am obviously very weak mentally now and he knows how to push my buttons.

Sam comes home a little while later & takes one look at me and wants to know what was wrong. Even now I hesitate to tell him what happened because it’s still his dad. I gave him the small details and he is miffed. At this point I keep pondering the idea of calling the cops since he did throw something at my car but, I really don’t want any more drama. I end up telling a friend about the incident & tell him one day the ex will be dead and I will be happy and then I will have sex on top of his grave.

The next day I decide to call the police at least just so there is some documentation to go along with what I have been keeping on my own. They come out & basically say there’s not a whole lot they can do but encourage me to keep my own documentation. The nice officer also offered me some other advice as well & said that I don’t have to make my 16 year old son go to his dads regardless of if he pays child support or not.

I tried to make the most of my Saturday & went shopping with my mom & had lunch with my daughter. In my alone time I had a mini pity party & actually contemplated ‘IF’ I really were a whore. As sad as it sounds I asked my son who is mature beyond his 16 years and he said no mom you’re not.

Josh finally made it home in the rain about 7 that evening and I couldn’t have been happier to see him. After a little chit chat I asked him about his dad. I asked if his dad had said anything after he threw the dart game at my car & he says no the only thing he said after that was ‘Women’. I then say the only reason I even came back was because he shot a bird & Josh gets a funny look & says well he did say something that time and looks down. He looks over at his brother and I ask if he just wants to tell Sam and not me but he decides to tell us both. My poor baby tells me ‘He flicked you off and said Mo fo B hoe.’ He called me a mother fucking bitch whore in front of my 10 year old. I have never felt so sorry for my kids before. Josh says don’t worry, he’s wrong & smiles.

I start to feel better & make dinner then I am asked to the movies. I ask my boys do you guys mind if I go out tonight or do you want me to stay home. They look at each other and say go ahead, have fun. As I am getting ready to leave I walk into the man cave where they are playing video games and tell them goodbye. My 16 year old looks at me and says, ‘Bye mom, have fun being a whore!’ and they both bust out laughing. They might be rotten kids but they are mine.

Talk to Sam

He we go again, Sunday was Fathers Day and even though I reminded both boys of it both choose not to call their dad. Josh simply had the attitude that if dad wanted to talk to him dad would call. I didn’t think it was necessarily right but considering my ex husband hasn’t acknowleged Mothers Day for me in a few years I decided I didn’t care. Monday night as I am getting out of the shower Josh comes in and says ‘Dad called and made Sam mad again.’ Wonderful I think and I get dressed.

I go to Josh first and ask what happened. ‘Dad called and wanted to know why I didn’t tell him Happy Father’s Day & I told him I forgot. Then he asked if I was going on vacation with him and said yes then he asked to talk to Sam & I took him the phone’, was his reply. So I go to Sam and ask his side. Sam say’s ‘Dad asked why didn’t I call to say Happy Fathers Day & I said I will treat you like a dad once you start treating me like a son. Then he asked if I was going on vacation to Kentucky with him and I said no because I had a show that week and I was still pissed off at him.’ I guess dad didn’t like that answer and responded with ‘Boy don’t talk to me like that!’ Sam said ‘I didn’t cuss at you I told you why i’m not going.’ Dad came back with ‘I’ll come over there and whoop your butt for disrespecting me like that!’, and apparently hangs up. For the record, I don’t agree with my sons language but at the same time I understand his frustration with his dad.

I figured I would at least get a phone call from him shortly after or possibly him doing something stupid like actually showing up at my house but I heard nothing. A few days later Josh calls me at work and tells me he wants to go to his dads. That’s one of the bad things about summer break is visits are not limited to weekends anymore. I hate when he goes over there during the week because it usually ends up in me rearranging my schedule to pick him back up or something. I tell him if his dad can pick him up thats fine. I get home and he tells me his dad is on his way over.

Josh and I are sitting on the front steps talking when the ex shows up. He walks up and asks if Sam is here and I lie and tell him no. I really just didn’t want the drama, especially in my house. He then proceeds to say his very popular line ‘You need to talk to Sam!’ For some reason I thought I would try something I read online and I repeated what he said in a very whiny voice. I have to tell you it was super duper funny seeing the look on his face and I knew I seriously pissed him off. He walks back to his car and says ‘I’m taking you to court and your not going to like what I have to say to the judge. He threatens to take me to court all the time so I didn’t care about that, what I wanted to know was is what he had to say.

He goes off into my going out all the time with men and staying out all night and going to hotel rooms and such. First off, there are no rules saying I can’t go out with whomever I want whenever I want to wherever I want. I have only went went out with one fella in the last year and i’m kind of fond of him so I don’t get the whole guys thing. Then it dawns on me hes jealous. He can’t stand for me to be happy. The clown has zero on me, I have a stable job, stable relationship, have an awesome relationship with all 3 of my kids, a decent place to live, pay for insurance benefits and even have a 401k.

The ex on the other hand has a rap sheet a mile long, has a ding on his record that keeps him from owning firearms or voting and another ding that requires him to register his address every 6 months so the FDLE website can put a blue dot over his house. Even if you don’t include these little issues you also have to figure in he has no job and no desire to ever get one, sells vehicles and such out of his front yard just like a car dealer minus the business license and paying taxes. He also finds it funny to brag about his clinic card that provides him with free healthcare. Lets not forget his stellar parenting skills or lack there of.

I can honestly say, the only thing he really has on me is I have been slacking on my church attendance. I personally think that going to church no more makes you a christian than sitting in your garage makes you a car. My kids were raised in church and I have every confidence that we will find another church to call home in the near future, in the meantime I don’t feel we should have to go somewhere we don’t feel comfortable at. The ex on the other hand is what I refer to as a church whore. He will go to any church where he can be seen by his friends and be the center of attention for 5 minutes.

So Josh and the ex finally leave. Sam makes dinner and I try to get some stuff done since I’m minus one kid. I realize I may just have the option to go to sleep at a decent hour, an actual 8 hours of sleep on a work night is almost unheard of for me. I start to get ready for bed around 9:40 when I get a phone call from Josh. He asks if I can come get him from his dads because his dad is going to the emergency room.

Of course this takes me by suprise and I ask to speak to his dad. What follows is an inaccurate diagnosis of food poisoning. I ask what did you eat? He says KFC. I say what did Josh eat? He says KFC. Is Josh sick? No. Then you don’t have food poisoning genius. I agree to come get Josh thinking he would leave Josh there by himself but he was there when I showed up. I really didn’t want to go in the house because I just didn’t want to get sucked in to the situation and now it’s creeping up past my bedtime.

I walk in and he comes out of the bedroom looking like death warmed over. I’m kind of used to this look with him but this time he does appear to be truly in pain. I was nice enough to check him for fever which he didn’t have. I tell him it sounds like you have a kidney stone plus they run in his family like crazy. He then tells me his church friends are supposed to be coming to take him to the emergency room but they must have decided to go eat dinner first…at 10:15 on a Thursday night. When he says it he gives me this look and I say a little prayer that he won’t ask me to take him. I quickly say ‘Okay, well let me know what happens.’, and I walk out the door leaving him standing there. Maybe I would have just to be nice but earlier at my house he made the comment that I never did anything for him. Thats a load of crap but hey, why start now right?

He calls me about 9-ish Friday morning and tells me hes picking Josh up from my house. I’m kind of disapointed that he didn’t die over night but you can’t prove that I actually thought that. He doesn’t mention what the doctors said so I finally ask and he tells me he didn’t go to the hospital. That kinda miffs me off seeing as how I didn’t make it to bed until almost midnight because he was supposed to be going to the hospital. He then informs me that his friends came over and laid hands on him and prayed for him and in a little bit he felt better.

Okay thats fine and well, ‘did you make a doctors appointment?’ He says ‘No, God healed me.’ Now I don’t doubt for a moment that God can heal anything he wants but I am also of the belief that God gave us doctors for a reason and maybe this was a warning sign to get your attention. He simply responds with ‘If I feel bad again I will.’ Again might be too late in my opinion be hey if he dies I would like to point out I didn’t wish it on him and told him to go to the doctor.

Spring Break

About 2 weeks ago Josh comes home early Sunday morning from his dad’s. Usually he goes to church with dad but said he didn’t feel good & had dad bring him home. It was nice because it gave me a little extra Joshie time, even if they scared the B-Jesus out of me when they showed up.

As were hanging out watching cartoons he tells me he told dad that we were going to Savannah, Ga during spring break & I didn’t think a whole lot about it. A few days later the ex calls & asks for details on our trip to Savannah & when spring break is. Leaving Sunday be back Tuesday, simple enough. The next day he calls again & asks the same question, then asks if I know of any deals at Wild Adventures. I tell him no & then he asks if I can go online & see. Once again I say no, you have your own computer your a big boy do it yourself. He comes back with I don’t know how to do that, I only know how to get on Craig’s list. At this I say I have to go & I hang up.

So, the ex calls again the next day. This time its when is spring break? Once again, it’s the last week of March. Okay, bye. Josh goes over to dads again that weekend & comes back and tells me dad said he was taking us to Wild Adventures when we get back from Savannah. Okie dokie with me.

That was on Sunday, Tuesday the ex calls again. Hey, when were you going to Savannah? At this point even you know the answer to this question, right? I tell him again at which point he says, can you reschedule? No, why? Because I wanted to take the boys to Kentucky. Well I guess that’s not gonna happen is it?

Wednesday and he calls again. When do they get out of school for spring break? SERIOUSLY????? Why? Can you reschedule going to Georgia so I can take them to Kentucky? (I laugh) I don’t think so! He say’s My mom is dying. Since when? You told me about a month ago that she was in the hospital & nothing else has been said, now shes dying? Well, shes sick & I want the boys to see her. Well, I guess maybe you should have mentioned that sometime in the last 2 weeks when you kept asking me when spring break was! Well I can’t ever plan anything because something always happens and I have to cancel. At this point I am getting rather irritated because I know better. Oh, you mean like the well turning to mud the night before you leave for a week? Oh wait, you went anyway didn’t you? Its discussions like this where you fully realize the effects of marijuana on the brain because he actually thinks he took care of this problem before leaving, but that’s another blog for another day.

Then it occurs to me what Josh had told me. I thought you were taking the boys to Wild Adventures anyway? I didn’t say that. Apparently you did because Josh came home said you were. Oh, that was this weekend. Then why did he say after we get back from Savannah? Well he didn’t pay attention. Can you just reschedule? Nope, and that’s just tough because I have already made reservations, tell your momma not to die before summer break. Click!

UPDATE: It is now 4 years later and his momma is still very much alive. I guess I’m not as awful a person as he might have thought huh?



Its the typical Friday afternoon since the ex no longer has supervised visits. I walk in the door home from work & the cell phone rings. ‘What?’ “Hey, are either of the boys coming over tonight?’ ‘Josh said he was.’ ‘Kay, are you bringing him over or am I picking him up or what?’ ‘Well I just walked in the door & I have plans tonight so you can come get him.’ ‘Well I’ve been driving around all day and I’m tired.’ ‘FINE, I WILL BRING HIM OVER THERE!’ ‘I’m waiting for a guy to come over now cause….’ CLICK! That was me hanging up. If you have ever read anything I have ever wrote about the ex he makes it a point to tell you every time he buys or sells anything.

Anywho, I jump in the shower, get dressed & remind Josh again to pack his bag. I notice that I have a missed call on my cell. Guess whoooooo????? So as its ringing Josh tells me he already talked to dad. About that time he answers. ‘You called?’ ‘Yeah, I told Josh if you would stop and pick up a pizza on your way over I would give you the money.’ ‘I DON’T THINK SO! I ALREADY TOLD YOU I HAVE PLANS TONIGHT & I DON’T HAVE TIME TO WAIT ON A PIZZA FOR YOU!!! ‘Well be that way!’ Click! Hahaha….

I guess I am a bad ex wife because I won’t stop and get him a pizza on a Friday night even tho I’m hauling his kid all the way to his house in BFE nowhere in the opposite direction of where I am going. Bad ex wife, bad bad ex wife. I sure hope I can sleep at night.