The Ant & the Grasshopper (2012)

Once upon a time, not so long ago there was an ant and a grasshopper. During the summer the ant got up early every morning and went to work gathering food for the winter. In the meantime the grasshopper stayed up late playing PS3 & spent most of his days on Facebook complaining about how he didn’t have enough food while watching Jerry Springer on his 60” flatscreen from Rent a Center.

The ant worked hard all summer and when he showed fellow ants a more efficient way to gather food he was promoted to head food gatherer. This made the grasshopper mad because he didn’t have as much food as the head food gather ant and wanted the ant to give him some of his food because it just wasn’t fair. The ant agreed but said the grasshopper would have to learn to gather his own food next summer with the ant’s help.

The winter ended and the grasshopper did not starve but still resented the ant because why the grasshopper sat around all winter watching Jersey Shore the ant was busy on the internet building a business with the extra food he gathered. By the time summer arrived the grasshopper had forgotten the agreement he had with the ant.

Once again, the ant worked all summer gathering food and working on his internet business. In the meantime the grasshopper found other like minded grasshoppers and organized them into a neat little community who hated the ant because he had more than them. By the time winter had rolled around again the ant had worked so hard he had twice as much food than the winter before. The grasshoppers who were much bigger than the ant and had grown in number had not collected much food at all.

The grasshoppers went to the ants boss and pleaded their case. They had nothing and the ant had more than enough. The ants boss agreed with the grasshoppers and made the ant give half of his food to the grasshoppers. This made the ant rather angry but he did as he was told. The grasshoppers spent the entire winter partying like it was 2012.

Unfortunately, because of this their health began to deteriorate. When summer came one of the grasshoppers had broken his big bendy back leg playing beer pong, but because he did not have healthcare he was expected to pay his medical bill. This was also true of the grasshopper who now had diabetes, the grasshopper who was now obese and the 3 grasshoppers who had heart attacks over the winter. They were convinced it was because of the free food they had received from the ant. After all, the ant was in fine health and even managed to once again double his amount of food from his online business over the winter.

The grasshoppers once again went to the ants boss and this time demanded that he make the ant pay for their health care. This baffled the boss and he explained that the ant also did not have health care so how could they expect him to pay for theirs. This got the grasshoppers to thinking that if something ever happened to the ant they would all be in trouble so they demanded that the ant not only pay for their health care but require the ant to have it as well. The ant began to grow tired of this game but being the proud American ant he was he did what was required of him and continued to work even harder.

The ant was then given a huge promotion because he invented a device to gather twice as much food in half the time. He was very excited and thought he had solved the problem with the grasshoppers. The grasshoppers however now under a doctors care could not work due to their failing health and now expected disability insurance….provided by once again, the ant.

Even though the ant had manged to gather double the food every year compared to the year before he still had nothing extra to show for it. The grasshoppers were still sitting around watching tv all day and playing PS3 all night and the ant was paying for it all.

The ant finally said the heck with it and outsourced all the food gathering to India, sold his portion of the company and moved away where he lived comfortably playing with his internet business in his free time. The food began to disappear without the ant around to gather it, and the grasshoppers began to freak out. The boss could no longer dictate what the ant had to give the grasshoppers because he no longer worked for him. The grasshoppers then decided to sue the ant for his internet business because he didn’t build it anyway. The ant said the hell with it and left the country and the grasshoppers finally ate each other out of starvation.

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