Evil Cat’s 1

Simply put, I hate cat’s. I always have for one reason or another. They don’t seem to be good for anything for the most part and really not that entertaining. At least with a dog you can convince him to play with you, unlike a cat who will give you that go to h*ll look. I have recently had my hatred stoked for the stupid animal the Egyptians once revered as gods when we moved to the trailer hood.

It amazes me that people will have an animal they can’t keep tabs on, much less think so little of it that when you move you consider the animal leftover furniture & leave it behind for the new dwellers to deal with. Thanks to all of you is all I can say. I should have known I was in trouble the day we moved in and a whole congregation of them sat at the back door just watching us. It wasn’t long before the group of evil fur balls made their way on top of my white Jeep. Yes, I had the ultimate cow. These things are not de-clawed and do not wipe their feets before perching upon my Snowflake.

After running them off several times in one night I knew I had to think of a way to get rid of them, after all, I was the one paying rent to live there, not them. Besides feeding them some rat poison nothing really came to mind. Then of course was New Years Eve. New Years ended with my going to bed sometime after 1am after playing with a Christmas tree my son & I had found and a little celebration drinkie, drinkie. The place got quiet & as I was in that lovely drifting off phase I hear ‘MMMMaaaaaammmaaaaaaa’ !!! Mmmmmaaammmmaaaaaa’!!! So of course I shot up out of the bed & then remembered my youngest was not at home. I honest to Buddha convinced myself my new place was seriously haunted. It wasn’t until a few nights later that I realized it was these flippin evil cats yelling mmmaaammmaaa while I was trying to sleep.

So, somebody at work convinced me it was illegal to poison cats so I dropped that idea. Didn’t work anyway because my neighbor tried it. These things have probably been poisoned so many times it’s like pot to them. I was starting to really lose it over the feline situation. I threw an apple at one, it just looked at me like I was stupid because I throw like a girl. Then I threw a flip flop at 2 of them fighting a few nights later and they carried off my shoe. I don’t know what made me think of it but I was sitting at work playing with a really REALLY big rubber band & it hit me. Kitty Cat target practice. I figured it was safer to launch a rubber band at my jeep than a pellet from a gun, besides I am a very lousy shot.

If you can actually hit a cat with a large rubber band it is quite effective. Unlike pellets, poison, flip flops & apples you get a pretty good return on your money because the rubber bands lay on top of the grass & don’t get carried off. I’m recycling America!

Evil Cat’s 2

I will admit, I might have had a small portion of the blame for this one. I have been seriously dragging butt since we got back home from vacation earlier in the week. I am also one of those people who forgets its garbage day the next morning until after I have already taken a shower. Besides the fact I really don’t want to play with garbage now that I am all nice and clean, I make it a point to not go outside after dark in the trailerhood. I figure it’s no big deal and I will drag it out to the street in the morning when I leave for work.

Of course the next morning rolls around & I think nothing of it. I get home from work & there sits the garbage untouched. Now in the process of all this I stop by the front office & pay my rent and hand the lady my list of complaints, AGAIN. She says they will have someone over Monday or Tuesday, so now I have to clean house since the boys have been home on spring break all week.

I bag up all the garbage inside the house & sit it on top of the already full garbage can & vow I will take it up front to the dumpster tomorrow when the gate is open.

A little while later I have to run to the jeep & as I am trying to get out the door it won’t budge. I look out & there sits my nemesis on my top step, the stupid bob tailed gray cat. So I push the door open with my shoulder & it takes off, along with a smaller black cat. It’s obvious that SOMETHING has been in my garbage because there is a hole in the garbage bag. I pick up the lid & sit it on top thinking if they come back the lid will fall & scare them off. NOT!!!!

About a half hour later I walk by the door & decide to look out & there sits the stupid black cat again, in my garbage can. At this point I realize I am out of rubber bands, our first line of defense, so I panic & run outside to scare it off. I start yelling & realize my neighbor’s window is open and that this is possibly her cat so I get quite & now point at the cat that’s about 15 feet away standing next to another cat. I tell it stay out of my d**n garbage you stupid trailer park cat. Apparently this offended the other cat who proceeded to do that thing cats do where they hike their body up into a curve & hisses at me. Now for the record I wasn’t actually scared of the cat, I just ran back in the house because I didn’t want any trouble. Yeah, that’s it.

So anywho, I walk by a little later & both cats are now having the time of their lives in my garbage can. This time I run outside with a can of bug spray and they take off. Thinking back on it I should have grabbed my pepper spray but I did remember seeing ants in the garbage can so I hosed it down. As I’m doing this I notice crumbs all over top of my a/c box so I turn around & yell how about cleaning up your mess you stupid cat! So yeah I almost broke my toe running up the stairs so the evil cat wouldn’t eat me. I’m starting to get a little concerned at this point and I know the big gray cat told the other cat that I was mean to it. This is a smaller cat though so I have to figure out a way to defend myself or at least make it leave.

About twenty minutes later I peek out & there they sit, not actually digging thru my garbage at this point but just hanging out to mock me. They also have their friend the big gray cat with them this time. I tip toe to the bathroom & fill up a plastic container with water & make my way back to the door. I sling the door open let out a ninja type of scream & throw the water at the cats. The cats of course had already moved but it’s hard to stop water already in motion so all I managed to do was soak my garbage that now has a gaping hole in it. I go stomping back in the house & decide I have to dispose of the garbage or I may very well lose my mind. It’s now wet & has a hole in it so I don’t want it in my jeep at this point so I did the next best thing. I went & got my other neighbors empty garbage can & dumped the whole mess in there and put it back in front of their drive way. She came home about 45 minutes later & I could hear her complain about how the garbage men didn’t pick up her garbage. I just hate it when that happens, hee hee.